Get Unstuck in Therapy: Applying the Stages of Change

“I know what I should do—but I just can’t seem to do it.”
Sound familiar?

Whether you're a therapist feeling stuck with a client, or someone struggling to follow through on personal goals, this scenario is all too common. We often know what needs to change—but somehow, it doesn’t happen. The result? Frustration, guilt, and sometimes, giving up.

For Therapists: The “Homework Gap”

You craft a thoughtful action plan with your client. They nod in agreement, seem motivated, and promise to try something new during the week. But next session? Nothing.
They didn’t follow through.

You feel discouraged. They feel ashamed. Left unaddressed, this dynamic can quietly erode the therapeutic relationship.

For Individuals: The Inner Tug-of-War

You tell yourself, “I should stop emotional eating,” “I have to exercise more,” “I need to quit smoking.” But despite good intentions, the same patterns repeat. You’re not lazy. You’re just… stuck.

Why Change Often Doesn’t Start with Action

The issue isn’t necessarily a lack of motivation—it’s often a mismatch between where we are and what we’re being asked (or asking ourselves) to do.

This is where the Stages of Change Model (Prochaska & DiClemente) offers clarity and compassion.

Rather than jumping to action, this model helps us pause and assess our readiness for change—and work with it, not against it.

The 6 Stages of Change

1. Precontemplation – “I don’t see a problem.”

At this stage, the individual doesn’t believe change is necessary. They may be in therapy at someone else’s urging (e.g. a partner or employer), or may downplay the impact of their behaviours.
Therapist tip: Focus on building rapport and gently raising awareness, not convincing.

2. Contemplation – “I see the problem, but…”

Now there’s some insight. The person is aware that their behaviour has consequences, but they’re still ambivalent.
They may say, “I know I need to stop, but it’s hard.”
Goal here: Explore pros and cons of change. Understand the reason for ambivalence. Support reflection without pressure.

3. Preparation – “I’m ready, but need a plan.”

There’s willingness to act, and curiosity about how. The person may start small—researching strategies, talking to others, or identifying supports.
This is the stage where momentum starts building.

4. Action – “I’m doing it.”

The old behaviour is being replaced with something new. This stage is exciting but vulnerable—there’s risk, uncertainty, and effort involved.
Support is essential to keep moving forward and managing setbacks.

5. Maintenance – “I’m keeping it going.”

Sustaining change over time takes commitment. Habits begin to feel more natural, but continued attention is needed.
Tip: Celebrate wins. Normalize the ongoing effort.

6. Relapse (Sometimes) – “I slipped.”

Relapse is part of the process—not a failure. It’s a return to old patterns, often triggered by stress, emotion, or life events.
What matters most? Recognizing it early and returning to a helpful stage—usually contemplation or preparation.

Tip: “Falling down is not the end. Getting up, reflecting, and trying again is progress.”

Why This Matters (For Everyone)

Understanding the stages of change allows us to shift from judgment to strategy. Whether you're a therapist or someone working on yourself:

• You can normalise the struggle instead of pathologising it.

• You can tailor the approach to match the stage.

• You can build realistic goals that support lasting change.

Final Thought: Change Is a Cycle, Not a Straight Line

Real change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not just a decision—it’s a process. One that involves setbacks, progress, reflection, and, most of all, patience.

By recognising where you—or your client—are in the cycle, you create space for honesty, alignment, and growth.

So next time you feel stuck, don’t just push harder. Step back and ask:
What stage am I actually in?
And what would support look like here?